The IVF Journey: How Fertility Treatment Impacts the Couple’s Emotional Connection

By Dr. Arielle Buch-Frohlich, Psychologist & Couples Therapist

When couples begin IVF treatment, they’re often entering a world filled with both hope and heartbreak. It’s a path filled with appointments, procedures, and powerful emotions—many of which are felt deeply and differently by each partner. As a couples psychologist, I’ve witnessed firsthand how this journey can strain even the strongest of relationships, but also how it can be a profound opportunity for growth, resilience, and emotional connection.

The Emotional Roller Coaster of IVF

IVF (in vitro fertilization) is much more than a medical process—it’s an emotional and relational experience. From the outside, it might seem like a series of clinical steps: hormone injections, egg retrieval, fertilization, embryo transfer. But inside the lives of a couple, each step is charged with longing, vulnerability, fear, and often, repeated disappointment.

One of the most common challenges I see in my work is how differently each partner experiences the IVF journey. One partner may be undergoing the physical procedures, feeling the daily toll of hormone changes, injections, and invasive testing. The other may feel helpless, unsure how to support or connect, worried they’re doing or saying the wrong thing.

This disconnect can lead to silent suffering. The partner going through the physical process may feel unseen or misunderstood. The other may feel excluded or guilty. When communication falters, it’s easy to begin feeling alone—together.

Stress and Strain on the Relationship

IVF can also become all-consuming. Appointments dictate the calendar, the language of reproduction becomes part of daily life, and intimacy can shift from spontaneous connection to scheduled intercourse or avoiding sex altogether. Conversations that once flowed freely may now center solely around logistics or results. For many, sex becomes clinical, timed, and pressured—removing the emotional closeness that physical intimacy once brought.

Financial strain is another layer that’s often underestimated. IVF is costly, especially when repeated cycles are needed. This can create tension around spending, planning, or decision-making—especially if the couple holds different views about how far to go, or when to pause.

And then there’s grief. Each failed cycle can feel like a loss. It’s common to cycle through hope and heartbreak again and again, with little time to process. Without shared space for mourning, couples may grieve in parallel rather than together.

Finding Each Other in the Process

Despite all of this, IVF can be a time of deep emotional bonding—if the couple is able to stay emotionally connected through the turbulence. This doesn’t mean avoiding pain or pretending to be positive. In fact, it often means the opposite: allowing space for sadness, validating each other’s feelings, and learning to turn toward one another even when emotions are raw.

I often tell couples that it’s okay to experience IVF differently. You don’t have to feel the same things at the same time to stay connected—you simply need to create emotional safety to share your truths with one another. That might mean saying, “I’m scared,” or “I feel shut out,” or “I don’t know how to support you, but I want to.”

Couples who thrive through fertility treatment often develop a shared language around vulnerability. They make room for both grief and hope. They remember to see each other not just as co-navigators of a treatment plan, but as humans in pain, longing, and love.

Two Tips for Supporting Emotional Intimacy During IVF

1. Schedule emotional check-ins—not just medical ones.

The IVF calendar quickly fills up with appointments and lab results. Make intentional space each week for emotional check-ins. This isn’t about solving anything. It’s a time to ask: How are you really doing? What’s been hard this week? What do you need from me? Keep it free from judgment or advice—just listen and validate. Even 15 minutes of honest, heart-centered conversation can bring you back to each other.

2. Protect moments of joy and normalcy.

Fertility treatment can feel like it takes over your life. Actively protect time to do things that have nothing to do with IVF: a walk in the park, watching a favorite show, cooking together, a weekend escape—even if brief. These are not distractions; they are acts of emotional preservation. Joy helps couples stay connected to the parts of their relationship that aren’t defined by fertility. It’s a reminder that you are more than your treatment plan—you are partners, friends, lovers, and a team.

Fertility treatment—especially IVF—can feel isolating, uncertain, and deeply emotional. But couples don’t have to go through it in silence. With care, compassion, and intention, it’s possible not just to survive this journey, but to emerge more attuned, more connected, and more resilient as a couple.

If you’re in the midst of this path and looking for support, you’re not alone. At Anna & Salomon Clinic, our team offers psychotherapy that honors both the emotional and relational impact of fertility treatments. Together, we help couples stay connected through one of life’s most challenging—and meaningful—journeys.